"Why are you sitting here playing solitaire when there are 10,000 other things you should be doing?"
"I don't know. Probably because I don't want to do any of the 10,000 other things."
"You have a novel to finish."
"And I will. When I get around to it. It won't be out until next year anyway. Lots of time."
"That's a rotten excuse."
"For you, maybe. Works for me."
"What about all those people you've owed emails for the past six months? You could write letters."
"I could, but it's been so long now, I'm embarrassed. They've probably forgotten me by now. And what do I have to say? All I do is write."
"And play solitare."
"No need to get nasty. Besides, my life is like an old radio soap opera minus the drama: you can go away for a year and when you come back, nothing much has changed."
"There's your blog. You can always write a blog."
"In order to write a blog, it's always nice to have something to write about. I don't have. I feel like 95 percent of those messages that show up on Twitter...God, I hate that name...: 'Had an apple for lunch.' 'Won a pair of earmuffs in Mafia Wars.' 'Martha and her kids are coming over tonight.' Snore. No, I've always believed in the advice Thumper's mother gave him in Bambi: 'If you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all."
"Excuse me? Have you read any of your blogs? The reader has to put on a HazMat suit against the toxic stuff you spew. When's the last time you said anything nice about anything or anyone in a blog?"
"I said I liked puppies and kittens the other day."
"Oh, right. Puppies and kittens, 1; vitriol, 999. Great balance."
"Okay, okay, you win. I'll write a nice blog about world peace and doves and rose petals and dot all the 'i's' with little hearts, and end it with a string of those adorable little smiley-face 'emoticons.' That ought to induce a string of projectile vomiting."
"Well, if you're going to be that way, maybe you should just forget about a blog for now."
"Thank you for your kind permission."
"Maybe, but don't count on it."
"Red 8 on the black 9."
Dorien's blogs are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday and Thursday. Please take a moment to visit his website (http://www.doriengrey.com) and, if you enjoy these blogs, you might want to check out Short Circuits: a Life in Blogs (http://bit.ly/m8CSO1), which is also available as an audiobook (http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B00DJAJYCS&qid=1372629062&sr=1-1).