Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Guest Blogger: Robett Kingett




I've never hosted a guest blog before but decided to make an exception when I met, while trying to find a way to promote my audiobooks to the blind, an exceptional young man named Robert Kingett, a blind journalist specializing in audio description, adaptive sports, and disability news. He's a motivational speaker as well, and a campaigner for the Accessible Netflix project. His essays have been widely published in magazines, blogs, in several anthologies, and read on radio srations across the country and abroad. He's he chief writer consultant for America's Comedy as wellas a columnist for Truth is Cool. His most populara column has been Kingett Reads Fifty Shades of Grey. He holds several editing jobs and is a strong supporter and advocate for LGBTQ rights, and has raised funds for HIV and AIDS research. To read more about Robert, visit his website at www.robertkingett.com.

So, without further ado, I give you Robert Kingett.


My fingers hover over the keyboard, spread as if they are spiders who are confused on how to make a
web.

I’m resting at the forefront of my dating regime, at a desk in my apartment trying to think of something
about me that the members of this gay dating site need to know. Ironically this part of the initiation is
the hardest.

The signup was easy for my adaptive computer technology that robotically tells me everyone’s
messages, height, and weight. There weren't any words I had to type to verify my identity, there weren't any advertisements sprinkled into a profile detailing a guy who likes to pretend to fly with toy airplanes.  

Everything is smooth like melted butter until this part in the acquaintance, the about me.

My thought process seems to have a planned detour; as if my brain schemed how it was going to depart at the exact moment I need it to work its magic. First, dictation, then there's deliberation, then debating,
then dumbstruck diatribe. My fingers don't move but deductions springs into my mind like a sweptback
gymnast.

People will marvel at my eloquence for words upon first glance so this will whisk me up to an 80% on
the attraction slider. When they talk with me verbally however, I'm sure the stammer will jab me down
to 45%.

When people read that I have a white cane my dating chances will shoot down to 30%. I know this
figure based on experience. To boost my score perhaps I should entice them first with facts about
my journalism work where I detail LGBT news and issues, and couple that with my obsessive love for
mint chocolate chip ice cream and pony rides. If I do that my percentage will shoot up to 45% because
everybody loves chocolate ice cream way before mint.

If I say I passionately read books I believe that will drop my percentage to 40% because that's a boring
passion and I will be metaphorically studying every thought and action people have so I think I will leave that out.

If I say that I enjoy long walks on the beach I'll have scored a whammy without even needing to mention that I can't walk that far before my muscles complain because they have exercised past their patience level, gaging the percentage between 75% and 65%. no one wants to carry a blind wordsmith through the sand but it would definitely make a nice Christmas card.

My hobbies will definitely bring my dating percentage up but transportation will nudge it back down
again like tight jeans. Scheduling rides 24 hours in advance to everything from plays, to restaurants, to
sports games, to theme parks, and movies makes the percentage quiver at 85%.

Surely the understanding that I sustain my own life and apartment would pivot me above 90%. It’d lift
me up to 98% because men like other men who have it together but the supportive living label will make me drop again. People always get skittish when they hear that the clothes I bought with money I've earned from work are washed by a certified nurse’s assistant in an apartment complex that houses 87 blind adults. This scares them a lot so I'm dropped to 90%.

With all of these factors deciding how attractive I am, I try to determine the best way for me to
outweigh all those scary stamps attached to my many good traits. The wonderment doesn't last long as
my fingers soon dance over the keys with precise confidence. I explain a factor that will rocket me up on the attractive meter. I'm lovingly assertive and love talking cats. Without a doubt the talking cats halts me at 100%.

Please feel free to leave a comment for Robert, and to let me know if you'd like to see more of these guest blogs.

2 comments:

Jon Michaelsen said...

Incredible young man, indeed. I'd propose, but I could be your grandfather and don't have the money to be a sugardaddy. :-)

Great guest posting, Robert - I can't wait to hear more from you very talented man, who should clearly write a novel.

Katy said...

You beat out a lot of guys out there who don't have your challenges, so keep doing what you're doing. I love your perspective on things and your writing style. Very smart and funny.
Dorien----- good choice for a guest blogger. I enjoyed it.