Eddys

Each of us bobs gently along on the surface of the river of time from moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day, without much thought or even awareness on our part. But every now and then, we find ourselves momentarily stalled in a small eddy where we just go around and around in tiny circles, going nowhere.

I find myself caught in one today. I'm sure the fact that I did not wake up until 7:11--the longest I have slept in living memory--probably swept me out of the mainstream and caught me under the limb of a low hanging tree along the riverbank. I'll break loose before long, of course, but it is a strange sensation to go around and around and watch the rest of the world go by.

There are dozens of things I can and should be doing and they're all in here, in the eddy, with me. Some of them are things I really could do if I were just able to concentrate long enough to grab them firmly. Finishing the book I am currently working on, for example. I have for no good reason largely neglected working on it for over a month now on the most flimsy of excuses that it won't be able to be published until next year at any rate, so what's the hurry?

But many other important (to me) things contributing to my "eddy-state" are frustratingly beyond my control. The resolution of my friend Norman's situation is a major one at the moment. Will he be going from the nursing home to the assisted living facility (depending on whether they decide they can provide him the care he needs) or back to his condo with 24-hour nursing care? In either case, since he is physically unable to do anything for himself and I am his closest friend, it will be up to me to do whatever is necessary for him. I'm more than willing to do it, and it is not the time or effort involved which bothers me, it's the not knowing and not being able to do anything until I do know that gets me.

And, of course, my latest book, which has been scheduled for a November, 2009 release for over a year, is still not out as I write this, and I have absolutely no control over when it will be released. "Any day now" is all I have to go by, and I've been going by that for a very long time.

As soon as the book in question does get released, I can--and assuredly will--start fretting over the progress of two other completed books I have already sitting in the publisher's pipeline. One nice thing about fretting: there is never a lack of things to fret about.

The question of whether or not I will be moving to a new apartment in a newly-renovated building considerably removed from the roar of elevated trains past my window 24 hours a day has been hopefully resolved with the "guarantee" that an apartment is being held for me as soon as the quarantine on my current building (long story) is lifted. So, if I can believe what I was told...and I far too often cannot...it is now only a matter of waiting. As those who know me, either personally or through these blogs know, I do not wait patiently or gracefully. I hate waiting.

And always, every instant that I go around and around in this little eddy, I am acutely aware of the river's mainstream flowing steadily past, and reflect on the irony that on the one hand I want to get back into it and get on with my life, while fully realizing that the river flows in only one direction, and I am moving ever closer to the point where it empties into the sea of eternity.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at http://www.doriengrey.com, or drop me a note at doriengrey@att.net.